TRENDS: A FIELD GUIDE TO COUGARS

What’s Swirling Around in the Social Ether

Known to scientists as felis concolor, the cougar has made the isle of Manhattan her primary territory. As we await the upcoming reality series Cougars NYC, here we celebrate the mating rituals of the glorious creatures, who stalk youthful prey to boost their fashion careers, raise their social profiles or simply feast on fresh meat.

1

Photo: Janet Mayer/ Splash News

Kabbalah Cougar

Madonna

PREY: Madge has attracted a cadre of younger stars to Jewish mysticism. Both husband Guy Ritchie, 39, and rumored conquest Alex Rodriguez, 33, follow the faith (A-Rod lunched with Kabbalah leader Rabbi Michael Berg as his marriage crumbled). Suggests cougar matchmaker Janis Spindel: “Madonna is empowered by molding what younger people think.”

HABITAT: Reebok Sports Club on the UWS, her Central Park West duplex—site of her “affair of the heart” with A-Rod.

MARKINGS: Adidas track pants, mythically muscular arms and, most recently, cheekbones to rival those of cosmetically enhanced, Catwoman-like socialite Jocelyn Wildenstein.

CUBS: Fashionista daughter Lourdes, 11; sons Rocco, 8, and David, 2 ½.

2

Photo: James Devaney/ WireImages

Sports Cougar

Anna Wintour

PREY: The Vogue editrix famously pounced on tennis champ Roger Federer, 27, whom she squired to spring Fashion Week in 2006. “I just like his game,” she purred. She put NBA star LeBron James, 23, on April’s cover, then hired hockey player Sean Avery, 28, (lately linked to Style Cougar Kelly Klein, 51), as an intern. “Everyone in the media is cool to her,” notes Paper magazine columnist Mickey Boardman. “But athletes say ‘hi’ instead of looking away.”

HABITAT: Condé Nast HQ at 4 Times Square, her townhouse in Greenwich Village.

CATFIGHTS: The fur flew when PETA hit Anna with a tofu pie in Paris over her love of pelts. She called Hillary Clinton “mannish,” and—as Vogue’s Andre Leon Talley once told Oprah—“Miss Anna don’t like fat people.”

MARKINGS: Chanel haute couture, sleek bob.

CUBS: Columbia co-ed and Teen Voguette Bee Shaffer, 20; Oxford student Charlie Shaffer, 22.

3

Photo: G. Gershoff/ WireImages

Party Animal Cougar

Ann Dexter Jones

PREY: Ann is New York’s scene-iest senior. “I enjoy people of all ages and never think about my own,” says the freelance writer, Reiki energy healer and designer of a rock ’n’ roll jewelry line.

HABITAT: Her lair at Ninth Street and Fifth Avenue; anywhere there’s a society photographer and an open bar.

CATFIGHTS: Only with the bouncer at closing time. “I’ll plan on having an early night, but then I’ll start talking to someone amazing and feel revitalized!” she explains.

MARKINGS: Lioness-like mane, Giambattista Valli. “I don’t take clothes seriously,” she says.

CUBS: Music producer Mark, 32, DJ Samantha, 31, and designer Charlotte, 30 (her kids with Brit tycoon Laurence Ronson); DJ Alexander, 24, and actress Annabelle, 21, (from her marriage to Foreigner’s Mick Jones). Of partying with her progeny, Ann says: “I love their company and their friends. But I am no children stalker.”

4

Photo: Jim Spellman/ WireImages

Life-Imitating-Art Cougar

Kim Cattrall

PREY: A year after her Sex and the City alter ego, Samantha, bedded 14-years-younger Smith, Kim began dating chef Alan Wyse, 28. “I was embarrassed about how close the storyline seemed,” she has said. Anna ­Holmes, managing editor of female-focused gossip site Jezebel.com, says: “Kim should be proud of who she dates no matter how old he is. Is she supposed to be dowdy and sexless because of her age?”

HABITAT: Courtside at Knicks games; hobnobbing at the Watermill Center near her home in East Hampton.

CATFIGHTS: Along with holding out for a heftier payday to bring SATC to the big screen, Kim reportedly divorced third husband Mark Levinson because “his sexual demands had become burdensome.”

MARKINGS: Painted-on Hervé Léger.

CUBS: None. Kim acknowledges she missed the boat on motherhood.

5

Photo: Billy Farrell/ Patrick McMullan

Socialite Cougar

Genevieve Jones

PREY: Accessories designer Genevieve (whose baubles are worn by Agyness Deyn) made a splash by cuddling up to Dee Jackson, 21, at the SubMercer last spring. Genevieve first befriended Dee and his twin brother, Ricky, who design belts for Marc Jacobs, months earlier at a Fashion Week party, though she thought they were 14 at the time. Still, “we hit it off right away,” she says.

HABITAT: To the right of Tinsley Mortimer in party pictures; her Lafayette Street apartment, which doubles as a design studio.

CATFIGHTS: Secretive ever since blogs like the now-defunct Socialiterank.com exposed her lack of fancy breeding, the fashionista growls at haters: “I will never be happy with my looks, but no one can question my style.”

MARKINGS: Supershort vintage minis; bejeweled safety pin earrings of her own design.

CUBS: Her pug, Dony.

6

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/ WireImages

News Cougar

Katie Couric

PREY: This traditionalist earned her cougar stripes the old-fashioned way—dating young bucks. She first stepped out with jazz trumpeter Chris Botti, 45, in ’04. Her current squeeze is triathlete Brooks Perlin, 34. “People want their anchors middle-aged, married and boring,” says Portfolio media reporter Jeff Bercovici. “Dating a younger man might detract from her gravitas. If Charlie Gibson showed up with a hot 30-year-old, it would have the same effect.”

HABITAT: CBS Evening News desk on 57th Street; a 12-room cougar den at 92nd and Park.

CATFIGHTS: Reports of diva behavior dogged her 17-year stint at NBC’s Today Show. But she’s clawed back at CBS brass over the network’s third-place ratings, declaring: “I find myself in the last bastion of male dominance.”

MARKINGS: Burberry skirts, caramel coif.

CUBS: Trinity students Ellie Monahan, 17, and Carrie Monahan, 12.

ANIMAL INSTINCTS RULE AT IRONY-FREE COUGAR-FEST

By JUSTIN ROCKET SILVERMAN

YOU know an American subculture can legimately lose the "sub" prefix when it gets its own reality show.

The Dog Whisperer, super sweet 16s, dirty jobs - you can now add cougars to the unlikely list of subjects your Nana could plausibly bring up the next time she calls, if only to ask what one is.

According to the producers of "Cougars: NYC," a reality show now in development about the lifestyles of female hunters, a cougar is any woman older than 39 who likes to get intimate with a cub. Single or divorced, mother or childless - it's all good. And if you're a guy younger than 35 you can be a cub - or in my case, a cub reporter.

A large gathering of cougars and cubs was held last week at LES club Libation. Part singles' night, part open casting call for "Cougars: NYC," the club was packed with older women and the young men they adore. A steep $50 cover charge ensured that the guests weren't just Long Island horndogs out for a laugh, but were legitimately interested in the lifestyle.

And the thing is, they actually were.

Stars of the show include Dawn Ellison, 43, who has dated men up to 17 years her junior and writes about the lifestyle at cougarandthecub.com. To her, being a cougar isn't about finding a boy toy to spoil with fancy dinners and mind-blowing sex. It's about an older woman being free to reinvent herself in whatever way she chooses.

"We are looking to shatter the stereotypes that surround cougars and cubs," explains Ellison. "It's important for a woman to realize that she gets back what she puts out. If she positions herself as a smokin' hot mama, it is probably just going to lead to a booty call."

A better approach, advises Ellison, is for cougars not to dress and act like floozies, but to "command and demand respect" by being dignified. That way, "the younger guys are going to stick around for more than just one night. They will be interested in getting to know you on a spiritual and emotional level."

Ellison says she prefers dating cubs to men her own age because the younger guys don't try to control her, telling her what she can and can't do. They are free spirits, willing to date around her hectic schedule.

And it doesn't hurt that they're nice to look at.

The night started off quiet and a bit awkward. But by the time guests were into the second hour of the two-hour open bar, conversation between the sexes (and the generations) began to flow much easier. Soon there was dancing. Then there was groping.

"I like how I can mold younger guys into what I want," says divorcee Jillian Seiden, 46, who was married for 18 years.

"I've grown a lot as a woman since I first met my ex-husband. I know how to make my own fun now."

Some of the cubs were, well, awkward - the type of young men who might not have an easy time seducing women their own age.

But in Cougar Land, they were veritable Don Juans.

"It's a lot more fulfilling to be with a woman of some experience," says 25-year-old Jon Caballero as he shakes his moneymaker to the delight of the cougars around him. "A younger girl expects the guy to do all the work. But an older woman is not afraid to take the reins in bed."

Other cubs were perhaps more mature, there to seek meaningful relationships.

Michael Perry, 35, flew in from Ohio specifically for the cougar casting night. Sipping a cocktail at the bar, he seemed entirely content with the talent swarming around him.

"A younger girl thinks the sky is a different color every day of the week," he says. "I like a woman that knows herself a little more, someone who can embody a classy elegance."

But aren't younger women kind of, you know, hotter?

"Physical beauty is all relative," says Perry. "It all depends on how a woman handles herself."

While some of the big cats at Libation did handle themselves with said classy elegance, others seemed more interested in handling the young prey. These women appeared far more than three sheets to the wind, and got dance-floor freaky with cubs two decades their junior with the same ferocity that a dirty old man might employ with a co-ed.

Among this uninhibited subset was Katherine Morreale, a 42-year-old Brooklynite. Never married, Morreale says she dates both older and younger men, as they are both good for different things. Asked what younger men were good for, she responded with a smile and raised eyebrow.

Needless to say, she was a hit with the cubs.

jsilverman@nypost.com

SIGHTINGS: CYBILL SHEPHERD

August 23, 2008 --

CYBILL Shepherd getting her cougar on at new Allegretti on West 22nd Street, where she was having a romantic meal with a young actor . . . HALLMARK Channel honcho Henry Schleiff discussing climate change at Michael's with Rep. Ed Markey, chairman of the new Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming . . . ROD Stewart, Penny Lancaster and their 20-year-old son, Alastair, at the Victoria Gardens amusement park at Wollman Rink . . . DESIGNER Marc Ecko, boxer Miguel Cotto and actor Tony SiricoRAFAEL Nadal and his hitting partner, Tomeu Slava, at "Phantom of the Opera." breaking bread at Nino's restaurant . . .

Page Six: Older Gals, Younger Guys

OLDER GALS, YOUNGER GUYS

August 4, 2008 --

SINGLE Manhattan women over 40 - start your engines! IiN TV Productions is developing a reality series called "Cougars: NYC," about five older hotties "living the glamorous life in NYC . . . with men 10-plus years their junior."

Producers have picked three gals so far: R&B singer Mel'isa Morgan, WOR Radio ad exec Dawn Ellison and Shahla Husein, v.p. of a medical sales company - all of whom only date guys in their 20s. A casting call for two more women will be held at a singles mixer at Libations on Ludlow Street Aug. 20.

Executive producer Elizabeth Mwanga disputes the negative connotations of the word cougar. "Basically, it's meant to symbolize empowerment. This isn't just horny older women chasing younger guys," she told Page Six. "It's women who are beautiful, successful and hot, who can get these younger guys because they are hot."

I Could Be Your Mama!: Dating Younger Men

When the man making the pass at me is 20 years younger, does he have a problem? Or do I have a dating opportunity? By Audrey Edwards at More.com

I can't remember the last time an age appropriate man hit on me. This is not to say that I don't still elicit, at age 59, some affirming male attention. It's just that as I get older, most of it is from men who are, well, younger and younger. So much younger, sometimes, that my standard line whenever one of them makes a pass is "Sweetheart, I could be your mama."

The first time I made that observation I was 46, and a tall, lanky cutie of 23 who lived down the hall in my apartment building had asked me out. "Listen," I told him, feeling more horrified than flattered, "I'm not only old enough to be your mother, I'm older than your mother" (with whom he still lived, by the way). Undaunted, he laid out the evening he had planned: First we'd go to a party that he'd been hired to deejay, and I'd watch him spin records. Then we'd go get something to eat. Finally, we'd come back to my place for a little sumptin' sumptin'. Uh, I don't think so. Go home to your real mama.

Now, unlike many of my over-forty girlfriends who think being pursued by younger men means you've still got it, I've always been somewhat embarrassed by such advances. I think of cradle robbing less as the act of a vixen than a move by someone pathetic. (After a store clerk one day mistook my own stepson, now 23, for a boyfriend, I asked him to walk 10 paces behind me.) I grew up believing that the man in the relationship is supposed to be older than the woman: My father was 10 years older than my mother; the man I married, and divorced, is eight years older than me.

Plus, since males tend to develop their emotional IQ more slowly than females, I've always harbored the notion that mating with a younger man meant I'd be with a guy who might never quite grow up -- or would, at the very least, forever lag behind me in the maturity stakes. A divorced friend of mine in her 40s just married a 30-year-old. And while he is cute and sweet, all I can think is how stressed she was making all the final plans the week before the wedding as he flew off to Miami for an extended bachelor party.

Now, truth be told, I'm not immune to the charms of younger guys. As a residential real estate broker in a vibrant city neighborhood, I meet plenty. And I've gotten a kick out of bantering with them, even if their seduction lines don't slay me. I gave one 28-year-old the "I could be your mama" rap, and when I saw him a few months later, he ran up to me, grinning. "I had a birthday!" he said with glee. "So did I," I replied.

Another time, a wannabe thug-type hollered a ridiculous come-on from across the street. "I could be your mama!" I yelled back.

"What'd you say about my mama?" he suddenly growled.

"I said I'm old enough to be your mother, sweetheart."

"I'm 35!" he shouted, triumphant.

"Like I said -- I could be your mama."

Link to An Article at http://www.More.com

The Cougar Craze On The Dr Phil Show

Hello Cougars and Cubs,

Dr Phil did a show today on the "Cougar Craze" to discuss the movement of younger guys seeking older women as partners.

He tried to present a balanced view but I think he missed the boat a little. I was already a bit worried about how the show would represent the cougar women when I saw the preview. As soon as I saw the preview, I emailed the show and asked if we could be involved or have some comments from our group included and I invited them to check us out and our events.

We are the only group doing regular Cougar and Cubs Dating events. In my personal life I've nearly always been partial to younger guys so I've had a lot of real life experience. After hosting about 300 singles parties and events over 4 years and having made countless matches and many marriages, I can call myself an expert on dating and relationships and I have enough experience to make a few comments on The Dr Phil Show and the cougar mentality that was portrayed.

On his Cougar show, he used the same tired old clip that everyone has used from the "Sugar Mama's and Boy Toys" event which didn't do much except to show cougars in the light of having to "buy" their cubs. Bobbi, on the Dr Phil show tried her best to portray what a real cougar is like, but her message got a little lost. (See Dr Phil's Show Copy Below)

How can cougars be seen in a positive light when at events like the "Sugar Mama" event, they have to pay $500 to attend and men can get by on $50 and being handsome. That event sent out a pretty negative message about what cougar women are like. I found the Sugar Mama event to be degrading in its message that younger guys will be interested in older women ONLY if they have enough cash in the purses to buy their toy boy. If a cougar has to pay $500 to date a cub...she's doing something wrong. I guess for all the money those Sugar Mama cougars make...they still got ripped off. They could have met 15 wonderful cubs at my event for about $50.00.

This isn't the real image of the confident cougar woman nor is it the way real cougar women are, or how real cougar women behave.

Real cougar women are confident, smart and sexy and can attract the men they want just by being themselves. They know who they are and they are proud to be their own person. They are well rounded in all areas of their lives because they've had time to become their best selves. They can be high-powered business women in the office; loving mothers at home; kind, supportive and strong in their friendships and a sex goddess in the bedroom. In our youth-obsessed culture we are forgetting the depth and well roundedness of a luscious, mature woman. The analogy to fine wine is obvious, unless you like cheap wine.

A cougar is strong and powerful in herself because she's spent time working on who she is and she's become comfortable in her own skin. She's not interested in working hard to please men like she did when she was younger. She knows that if she pleases herself and is a happy and confident Cougar, she will naturally attract the younger men who seek her out. A smart and wily Cub who takes care of his Cougar knows that's he will be well taken care of by his Cougar. It's a naturally reciprocal relationship just like any other one.

I'd love to hear your comments on the subject.

Also check out the comments on Dr Phil's Message Boards at http://drphil.com/messageboard/topic/3266

COPY FROM THE DR PHIL SHOW:

"Demi Moore did it. So did Madonna and Halle Berry. This trend of older women dating younger men is called the Cougar Craze, and it’s sweeping the country. Recently, at a New York speed-dating event, "Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys," good-looking 35-year-old men wooed women over 35 who made at least $500,000 a year. Jeremy organized the event and says he was just answering a demand from affluent ladies. Was he sincere in his matchmaking or just out to make a buck? Dr. Phil talks to two women who participated in the event -- Gail, 44 and Nancy, 50. Their experiences might surprise you. Then, 51-year-old Kat says she’s no cougar; she just likes to date younger guys because men her age are set in their ways. She says her 23-year-old ex-boyfriend, Ryon, was loving, passionate and had a much higher libido than older men. Her friend, Nancy, says Kat has a great head for business, but a bad one when it comes to the opposite sex. She says young men just see dollar signs when they see Kat. Is Kat dating down, or should Nancy just butt out? And, Bobbi had an 11-year relationship with a man who was 17 years her junior, but she says once she turned 50, he saw her as too old. She wants to be in a relationship again, but not with an older man. Her son, Nathan, says someone still wet behind the ears can’t appreciate all Bobbi has to offer. Does Nathan have the right to put his foot down with his mother? Do you think it's OK for older women to date younger men?"

I checked out the poll on Dr Phil's website and over 80% of people think it's OK for younger men to date older women.

Cheers, The Aussie Cougar

Reinventing Romance: Online Dating, Over-40 Style

Internet dating can be daunting at any age. Here, our relationship expert offers smart advice for finding love online after 40. By Sherry Amatenstein, MSW at www.More.com

After her husband of 31 years died, Francine Pappadis Friedman joined Match.com. In 9 months, the then 50-year-old went on 25 online dates -- all first and last dates. Recalls Friedman, author of MatchDotBomb: A Midlife Journey Through Internet Dating, "One guy met me for a drink on what turned out to be the day after his wife's funeral."

Yes, this is a groaner, but also proof that a sense of humor is a key requirement for embarking on the adventure that is online dating. Joelle Kaufman, VP of Engage.com, says, "There is not as much pressure in boomer online dating. These women are not necessarily looking to marry or have kids. So they have a more casual attitude and are more flexible. For instance, many are willing to consider a man who isn't in their immediate neighborhood."

Or to consider a much younger man. Dr. Ian Kerner points out, "Younger women may be more confident with Internet tools such as Match Talk, which allows members to talk on the phone anonymously. But boomers have more world experience which gives them more confidence." Dr. Kerner, author of He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man, adds, "These women enjoy both pursuing and being pursued."

Plan Your Online Dating Strategy

With online dating services constantly trumpeting new gimmicks (i.e., Engage.com encourages members to include references from family and friends to help demonstrate their trustworthiness), it's helpful to initiate a "battle plan" that will net maximum results.

"Most people start with giants like Match.com or JDate or Yahoo! Personals," says Erika Moore, cofounder of RomanceLanguage.org, which offers guidance in the art of online dating. If you're looking less for quantity than for commonality of interests, Moore suggests Googling "dating sites" or "singles" with a pertinent keyword to further refine the field. Spot- and Rover-lovers can thus sign on to DateMyPet.com, bicyclists can try CyclingSingles.com, and Ivy Leaguers can meet their well-educated brethren at RightStuffDating.com.

Spend time crafting the perfect profile. "Stay away from cliches, negativity, and super intensity," Moore advises, adding, "My headline, which got a great response rate, was 'Bonus Points for Funny and Sane.'" And rather than littering your narrative with phrases like "love walking on the beach," Moore suggests something unique like, "'A personal paradox of sorts, I'm a quick-to-anger (Republicans) but tolerant (really cute Republicans) peacenik.'" And don't forget a great photo that is, or looks, professionally done -- full face and smiling.

Your responses to men's ads should also be thoughtful. Joelle Kaufman of Engage.com suggests, "Don't send cookie cutter, long e-mails to multiple prospects. A short message that is personalized based on the person's profile is optimum."

Now for the $64,000 question: Should you fudge certain facts about yourself (i.e., lie about your age)? Kaufman says, "You can be two to three years off to get into a certain demographic on the site, but fess up quickly." The truth may not set you free, but it will always come out sooner or later. Best to make it sooner.

Protect Yourself

Unfortunately, as in the real world, cyber land has its share of bad seeds, so it is essential to exercise good sense. Stephany Alexander, author of the e-book Sex, Lies, and the Internet cautions, "Always ask for his home number to make sure he isn't married and call between 7 and 10 p.m. because that's when a committed man is with his significant other." Here's Alexander's most savvy tactic: As soon as you know his real name, run it through womansavers.com, a free screening service that has 20,000 men's names entered by women globally to flush out liars, cheaters, and abusers.

Just as important: Don't give him your home phone or address too soon, initially meet in a public place, and take advantage of the dating site's "anonymous" e-mail feature until you're 100 percent certain he's trustworthy.

Of course most members aren't con artists. But odds are there'll be one or two you wouldn't want to be trapped in an elevator with, much less across a romantically set dinner table. So make the initial meet quick and cheap. Starbucks was invented for online dating.

Use this short "look see" to detect red flags such as your companion's tendency to check out every female within range. Even if he has a scarlet L for LOSER stamped on his forehead, Francine Pappadis Friedman, she of 25 online first and last dates fame, says, "Be nice. There were a few guys who made me want to lock myself in the ladies' room, but it's important to remember each of them is coming to the table with his hopes, dreams, expectations, and baggage, just as you are."

Not interested? As you part, say a polite, "It was nice meeting you." The message -- don't 'e' me; I won't 'e' you -- should be received. If it's not, let him down gently: "I enjoyed your company but don't feel we're a match." If he still won't vanish into the cyber-mist, check out the site's technology allowing you to block someone's e-mail.

If he's the one who boneheadedly rejects your fabulous self, dive right back into the Internet pool. But don't rely on online dating alone as your source of potential romantic partners. Ideally, it is one prong of your man-meeting approach, not the entire strategy.

However, utilized wisely, online dating can be extremely effective. "Many people I know met the loves of their lives this way," says Friedman. "I succumbed to 'chronic meeting syndrome' -- too many dates in too short a time and burnt out." Is she considering a second run? "Very likely I was just unlucky."

A run of bad luck is discouraging but with the next profile you click, your luck can change. Here's to the possibilities.

From at Article at http://www.More.com

Press Piece on The Real Cougar Website About Our Cougar & Cubs Speed Dating

April 19, 2008

Cougar & Cub Speed Dating - Is It For You?

This was a first for me. I went to a Cougar & Cub Speed Dating Party. Nothing is too much when it comes to getting the latest scoop for all you Real Cougars. I went not quite sure of what I would find, but guess what, it was a lot of fun!!!. Not at all what I expected.

The women were all in business attire (no bling or cleaveage here) and the guys were all nice looking, respectful and obviously enjoying the challenge of alluring a more mature woman.

Here's how it works:

You are guaranteed at least 10 introductions. The gals are 35- 50 and the men 27 - 35 (although a party with guys 35 - 45 is being planned). The cost is $40.00 for all participants.

Each person gets a scorecard where you jot down the names of the people you liked. At the end of the event if the people you connected with also liked you then an email address will be provided. At this event there were 30 people and 26 got a match.

The organizer of these parties is the Aussie Cougar and her company is Real Live People Party. She organizes all sorts of get-to-gethers but she says the Cougar events are very becoming very hot. So stay tuned I imagine they will be coming to your city very soon.