TRENDS: A FIELD GUIDE TO COUGARS

What’s Swirling Around in the Social Ether

Known to scientists as felis concolor, the cougar has made the isle of Manhattan her primary territory. As we await the upcoming reality series Cougars NYC, here we celebrate the mating rituals of the glorious creatures, who stalk youthful prey to boost their fashion careers, raise their social profiles or simply feast on fresh meat.

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Photo: Janet Mayer/ Splash News

Kabbalah Cougar

Madonna

PREY: Madge has attracted a cadre of younger stars to Jewish mysticism. Both husband Guy Ritchie, 39, and rumored conquest Alex Rodriguez, 33, follow the faith (A-Rod lunched with Kabbalah leader Rabbi Michael Berg as his marriage crumbled). Suggests cougar matchmaker Janis Spindel: “Madonna is empowered by molding what younger people think.”

HABITAT: Reebok Sports Club on the UWS, her Central Park West duplex—site of her “affair of the heart” with A-Rod.

MARKINGS: Adidas track pants, mythically muscular arms and, most recently, cheekbones to rival those of cosmetically enhanced, Catwoman-like socialite Jocelyn Wildenstein.

CUBS: Fashionista daughter Lourdes, 11; sons Rocco, 8, and David, 2 ½.

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Photo: James Devaney/ WireImages

Sports Cougar

Anna Wintour

PREY: The Vogue editrix famously pounced on tennis champ Roger Federer, 27, whom she squired to spring Fashion Week in 2006. “I just like his game,” she purred. She put NBA star LeBron James, 23, on April’s cover, then hired hockey player Sean Avery, 28, (lately linked to Style Cougar Kelly Klein, 51), as an intern. “Everyone in the media is cool to her,” notes Paper magazine columnist Mickey Boardman. “But athletes say ‘hi’ instead of looking away.”

HABITAT: Condé Nast HQ at 4 Times Square, her townhouse in Greenwich Village.

CATFIGHTS: The fur flew when PETA hit Anna with a tofu pie in Paris over her love of pelts. She called Hillary Clinton “mannish,” and—as Vogue’s Andre Leon Talley once told Oprah—“Miss Anna don’t like fat people.”

MARKINGS: Chanel haute couture, sleek bob.

CUBS: Columbia co-ed and Teen Voguette Bee Shaffer, 20; Oxford student Charlie Shaffer, 22.

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Photo: G. Gershoff/ WireImages

Party Animal Cougar

Ann Dexter Jones

PREY: Ann is New York’s scene-iest senior. “I enjoy people of all ages and never think about my own,” says the freelance writer, Reiki energy healer and designer of a rock ’n’ roll jewelry line.

HABITAT: Her lair at Ninth Street and Fifth Avenue; anywhere there’s a society photographer and an open bar.

CATFIGHTS: Only with the bouncer at closing time. “I’ll plan on having an early night, but then I’ll start talking to someone amazing and feel revitalized!” she explains.

MARKINGS: Lioness-like mane, Giambattista Valli. “I don’t take clothes seriously,” she says.

CUBS: Music producer Mark, 32, DJ Samantha, 31, and designer Charlotte, 30 (her kids with Brit tycoon Laurence Ronson); DJ Alexander, 24, and actress Annabelle, 21, (from her marriage to Foreigner’s Mick Jones). Of partying with her progeny, Ann says: “I love their company and their friends. But I am no children stalker.”

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Photo: Jim Spellman/ WireImages

Life-Imitating-Art Cougar

Kim Cattrall

PREY: A year after her Sex and the City alter ego, Samantha, bedded 14-years-younger Smith, Kim began dating chef Alan Wyse, 28. “I was embarrassed about how close the storyline seemed,” she has said. Anna ­Holmes, managing editor of female-focused gossip site Jezebel.com, says: “Kim should be proud of who she dates no matter how old he is. Is she supposed to be dowdy and sexless because of her age?”

HABITAT: Courtside at Knicks games; hobnobbing at the Watermill Center near her home in East Hampton.

CATFIGHTS: Along with holding out for a heftier payday to bring SATC to the big screen, Kim reportedly divorced third husband Mark Levinson because “his sexual demands had become burdensome.”

MARKINGS: Painted-on Hervé Léger.

CUBS: None. Kim acknowledges she missed the boat on motherhood.

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Photo: Billy Farrell/ Patrick McMullan

Socialite Cougar

Genevieve Jones

PREY: Accessories designer Genevieve (whose baubles are worn by Agyness Deyn) made a splash by cuddling up to Dee Jackson, 21, at the SubMercer last spring. Genevieve first befriended Dee and his twin brother, Ricky, who design belts for Marc Jacobs, months earlier at a Fashion Week party, though she thought they were 14 at the time. Still, “we hit it off right away,” she says.

HABITAT: To the right of Tinsley Mortimer in party pictures; her Lafayette Street apartment, which doubles as a design studio.

CATFIGHTS: Secretive ever since blogs like the now-defunct Socialiterank.com exposed her lack of fancy breeding, the fashionista growls at haters: “I will never be happy with my looks, but no one can question my style.”

MARKINGS: Supershort vintage minis; bejeweled safety pin earrings of her own design.

CUBS: Her pug, Dony.

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Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/ WireImages

News Cougar

Katie Couric

PREY: This traditionalist earned her cougar stripes the old-fashioned way—dating young bucks. She first stepped out with jazz trumpeter Chris Botti, 45, in ’04. Her current squeeze is triathlete Brooks Perlin, 34. “People want their anchors middle-aged, married and boring,” says Portfolio media reporter Jeff Bercovici. “Dating a younger man might detract from her gravitas. If Charlie Gibson showed up with a hot 30-year-old, it would have the same effect.”

HABITAT: CBS Evening News desk on 57th Street; a 12-room cougar den at 92nd and Park.

CATFIGHTS: Reports of diva behavior dogged her 17-year stint at NBC’s Today Show. But she’s clawed back at CBS brass over the network’s third-place ratings, declaring: “I find myself in the last bastion of male dominance.”

MARKINGS: Burberry skirts, caramel coif.

CUBS: Trinity students Ellie Monahan, 17, and Carrie Monahan, 12.

Page Six: Older Gals, Younger Guys

OLDER GALS, YOUNGER GUYS

August 4, 2008 --

SINGLE Manhattan women over 40 - start your engines! IiN TV Productions is developing a reality series called "Cougars: NYC," about five older hotties "living the glamorous life in NYC . . . with men 10-plus years their junior."

Producers have picked three gals so far: R&B singer Mel'isa Morgan, WOR Radio ad exec Dawn Ellison and Shahla Husein, v.p. of a medical sales company - all of whom only date guys in their 20s. A casting call for two more women will be held at a singles mixer at Libations on Ludlow Street Aug. 20.

Executive producer Elizabeth Mwanga disputes the negative connotations of the word cougar. "Basically, it's meant to symbolize empowerment. This isn't just horny older women chasing younger guys," she told Page Six. "It's women who are beautiful, successful and hot, who can get these younger guys because they are hot."

Cougar & Cubs Speed Dating: Guys 25-37 Gals 40-55

Real Live People Party is hosting a special event for the woman who is confident, sexy, adventurous and lives life to the fullest. We are matching her up with young, attractive and compatible males who respects that a woman ages like fine wine and gets better as she gets older. A man who recognizes this fact is way ahead of other guys.

WHEN: Tuesday June 17, 2008 at 7:00 PM
WHERE: Madame X Lounge: 94 West Houston (Thompson & La Guardia)
WHO: Cougars 40 - 55 And Cubs 25 - 37
COST: $40.00 Prepaid Includes First Drink
RSVP: http://www.RealLivePeopleParty.com

UrbanCougar.com calls New York the Cougar Capital where a sophisticated species of female seeks the pleasure of younger males..."

Remember the original cougar Mrs Robinson from The Graduate? We've come a long way baby! Demi Moore, Madonna, Susan Sarandon, Kim Cattrall and who can forget Cher with her string of young, sexy boy toys.

It time for the ladies to enjoy guys who show them the respect they deserve, who are young, vibrant, ready, willing and able. For the guys...it's a chance to live out a fantasy of the older woman who is more experienced and knows what she wants and who can really be herself with him because she's really comfortable in her own skin.

I Could Be Your Mama!: Dating Younger Men

When the man making the pass at me is 20 years younger, does he have a problem? Or do I have a dating opportunity? By Audrey Edwards at More.com

I can't remember the last time an age appropriate man hit on me. This is not to say that I don't still elicit, at age 59, some affirming male attention. It's just that as I get older, most of it is from men who are, well, younger and younger. So much younger, sometimes, that my standard line whenever one of them makes a pass is "Sweetheart, I could be your mama."

The first time I made that observation I was 46, and a tall, lanky cutie of 23 who lived down the hall in my apartment building had asked me out. "Listen," I told him, feeling more horrified than flattered, "I'm not only old enough to be your mother, I'm older than your mother" (with whom he still lived, by the way). Undaunted, he laid out the evening he had planned: First we'd go to a party that he'd been hired to deejay, and I'd watch him spin records. Then we'd go get something to eat. Finally, we'd come back to my place for a little sumptin' sumptin'. Uh, I don't think so. Go home to your real mama.

Now, unlike many of my over-forty girlfriends who think being pursued by younger men means you've still got it, I've always been somewhat embarrassed by such advances. I think of cradle robbing less as the act of a vixen than a move by someone pathetic. (After a store clerk one day mistook my own stepson, now 23, for a boyfriend, I asked him to walk 10 paces behind me.) I grew up believing that the man in the relationship is supposed to be older than the woman: My father was 10 years older than my mother; the man I married, and divorced, is eight years older than me.

Plus, since males tend to develop their emotional IQ more slowly than females, I've always harbored the notion that mating with a younger man meant I'd be with a guy who might never quite grow up -- or would, at the very least, forever lag behind me in the maturity stakes. A divorced friend of mine in her 40s just married a 30-year-old. And while he is cute and sweet, all I can think is how stressed she was making all the final plans the week before the wedding as he flew off to Miami for an extended bachelor party.

Now, truth be told, I'm not immune to the charms of younger guys. As a residential real estate broker in a vibrant city neighborhood, I meet plenty. And I've gotten a kick out of bantering with them, even if their seduction lines don't slay me. I gave one 28-year-old the "I could be your mama" rap, and when I saw him a few months later, he ran up to me, grinning. "I had a birthday!" he said with glee. "So did I," I replied.

Another time, a wannabe thug-type hollered a ridiculous come-on from across the street. "I could be your mama!" I yelled back.

"What'd you say about my mama?" he suddenly growled.

"I said I'm old enough to be your mother, sweetheart."

"I'm 35!" he shouted, triumphant.

"Like I said -- I could be your mama."

Link to An Article at http://www.More.com

Reinventing Romance: Online Dating, Over-40 Style

Internet dating can be daunting at any age. Here, our relationship expert offers smart advice for finding love online after 40. By Sherry Amatenstein, MSW at www.More.com

After her husband of 31 years died, Francine Pappadis Friedman joined Match.com. In 9 months, the then 50-year-old went on 25 online dates -- all first and last dates. Recalls Friedman, author of MatchDotBomb: A Midlife Journey Through Internet Dating, "One guy met me for a drink on what turned out to be the day after his wife's funeral."

Yes, this is a groaner, but also proof that a sense of humor is a key requirement for embarking on the adventure that is online dating. Joelle Kaufman, VP of Engage.com, says, "There is not as much pressure in boomer online dating. These women are not necessarily looking to marry or have kids. So they have a more casual attitude and are more flexible. For instance, many are willing to consider a man who isn't in their immediate neighborhood."

Or to consider a much younger man. Dr. Ian Kerner points out, "Younger women may be more confident with Internet tools such as Match Talk, which allows members to talk on the phone anonymously. But boomers have more world experience which gives them more confidence." Dr. Kerner, author of He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man, adds, "These women enjoy both pursuing and being pursued."

Plan Your Online Dating Strategy

With online dating services constantly trumpeting new gimmicks (i.e., Engage.com encourages members to include references from family and friends to help demonstrate their trustworthiness), it's helpful to initiate a "battle plan" that will net maximum results.

"Most people start with giants like Match.com or JDate or Yahoo! Personals," says Erika Moore, cofounder of RomanceLanguage.org, which offers guidance in the art of online dating. If you're looking less for quantity than for commonality of interests, Moore suggests Googling "dating sites" or "singles" with a pertinent keyword to further refine the field. Spot- and Rover-lovers can thus sign on to DateMyPet.com, bicyclists can try CyclingSingles.com, and Ivy Leaguers can meet their well-educated brethren at RightStuffDating.com.

Spend time crafting the perfect profile. "Stay away from cliches, negativity, and super intensity," Moore advises, adding, "My headline, which got a great response rate, was 'Bonus Points for Funny and Sane.'" And rather than littering your narrative with phrases like "love walking on the beach," Moore suggests something unique like, "'A personal paradox of sorts, I'm a quick-to-anger (Republicans) but tolerant (really cute Republicans) peacenik.'" And don't forget a great photo that is, or looks, professionally done -- full face and smiling.

Your responses to men's ads should also be thoughtful. Joelle Kaufman of Engage.com suggests, "Don't send cookie cutter, long e-mails to multiple prospects. A short message that is personalized based on the person's profile is optimum."

Now for the $64,000 question: Should you fudge certain facts about yourself (i.e., lie about your age)? Kaufman says, "You can be two to three years off to get into a certain demographic on the site, but fess up quickly." The truth may not set you free, but it will always come out sooner or later. Best to make it sooner.

Protect Yourself

Unfortunately, as in the real world, cyber land has its share of bad seeds, so it is essential to exercise good sense. Stephany Alexander, author of the e-book Sex, Lies, and the Internet cautions, "Always ask for his home number to make sure he isn't married and call between 7 and 10 p.m. because that's when a committed man is with his significant other." Here's Alexander's most savvy tactic: As soon as you know his real name, run it through womansavers.com, a free screening service that has 20,000 men's names entered by women globally to flush out liars, cheaters, and abusers.

Just as important: Don't give him your home phone or address too soon, initially meet in a public place, and take advantage of the dating site's "anonymous" e-mail feature until you're 100 percent certain he's trustworthy.

Of course most members aren't con artists. But odds are there'll be one or two you wouldn't want to be trapped in an elevator with, much less across a romantically set dinner table. So make the initial meet quick and cheap. Starbucks was invented for online dating.

Use this short "look see" to detect red flags such as your companion's tendency to check out every female within range. Even if he has a scarlet L for LOSER stamped on his forehead, Francine Pappadis Friedman, she of 25 online first and last dates fame, says, "Be nice. There were a few guys who made me want to lock myself in the ladies' room, but it's important to remember each of them is coming to the table with his hopes, dreams, expectations, and baggage, just as you are."

Not interested? As you part, say a polite, "It was nice meeting you." The message -- don't 'e' me; I won't 'e' you -- should be received. If it's not, let him down gently: "I enjoyed your company but don't feel we're a match." If he still won't vanish into the cyber-mist, check out the site's technology allowing you to block someone's e-mail.

If he's the one who boneheadedly rejects your fabulous self, dive right back into the Internet pool. But don't rely on online dating alone as your source of potential romantic partners. Ideally, it is one prong of your man-meeting approach, not the entire strategy.

However, utilized wisely, online dating can be extremely effective. "Many people I know met the loves of their lives this way," says Friedman. "I succumbed to 'chronic meeting syndrome' -- too many dates in too short a time and burnt out." Is she considering a second run? "Very likely I was just unlucky."

A run of bad luck is discouraging but with the next profile you click, your luck can change. Here's to the possibilities.

From at Article at http://www.More.com

HBO Filming Our Next Cougar & Cubs Speed Dating For Upcoming Documentary

Hello Everyone,

On April 15, 2008 Real Live People Party hosted our second Cougar & Cubs Speed Dating Party and we were sold out again. We had 30 people attend and 26 of our attendees had at least 1 match and some had as high as 7 matches.

We had a visitor that night, Linda who owns a blog for "The Real Cougar Woman". Her blog gives advice to women who are smart, sexy, independent and proud to be over 40. Those are our type of women. Linda came to check out our event and wrote a really nice piece about our speed dating party for her blog. Please see the entry dated April 19.

Our upcoming event is on May 19, 2008 and I'm excited to say that HBO will be filming our event for an upcoming documentary for Fall viewing.

I look forward to seeing some of you at an upcoming event.

Cheers, Ilana (aka The Aussie Cougar)


http://www.reallivepeopleparty.com
http://entrepreneur.meetup.com/427

Scientists Discover Secret Sex Nerve: Looking for a Perfect Match? Research Says To Follow Your Nose

What makes us fall in love? Is it lust, mutual interests, shared life goals, or something much more intangible? Recent research suggests the latter.

Researchers have only recently discovered an olfactory nerve that they believe is the route through which pheromones are processed. Nerve “O,” as it is called, slipped under the radar for many years because it is so tiny. However, when the nerve was discovered in a whale, scientists surmised that this little nerve might be found in humans as well. And it was!

So what is the role of Nerve “O”? Nerve “O” has endings in the nasal cavity, but the fibers go directly to the sexual regions of the brain. Indeed, these endings entirely bypass the olfactory cortex! Hence we know the role of Nerve “O” is not to consciously smell, but to identify sexual cues from our potential partners.

What sexual cues do our scents give off? For one thing, we are more likely to be attracted to people whose scent is dissimilar to our own. Family members often share similar chemicals, so our attraction to differing chemical makeup suggests that sexual cues evolved to protect close family members from procreating together. On the other hand, pregnant women have been shown to be more drawn to people with similar chemical makeup, which might be due to the fact that during this crucial time, women are more apt to seek out family members than potential mates.

Research has also shown that these unconscious cues processed in Nerve “O” can make or break a relationship. Couples who have high levels of chemicals in common are more likely to encounter fertility issues, miscarriage and infidelity. The more dissimilar your and your partner’s chemical makeup, the better chance you will have at successfully procreating and staying together.

So how can you create the scent that will keep you and your partner in the land of happily ever after? Unfortunately, you can’t. Perfumes and colognes can’t fool Nerve “O” — the scents that humans and animals are attracted to are intangible and instinctive. Even the most expensive designer perfume can’t fool Mother Nature. When it comes to sexual attraction, it seems you really have to leave things in the air!

However, if you are taking a hormonal contraceptive, you might be bucking an evolutionary tide. Women who are on the pill are more likely to be attracted to men with similar chemical makeup — most likely because their bodies are fooling them into believing they are pregnant, and so much like actual pregnant women, their Nerve “O” leads them to kin and not mates. So if you were on the pill when you met your mate, you might experience a diminishing attraction when you cease taking it.

Only time will tell what role Nerve “O” plays in future sex research, but one thing is for sure: When it comes to true love, follow your nose!

Dr. Laura Berman is the director of the Berman Center in Chicago, a specialized health care facility dedicated to helping women and couples find fulfilling sex lives and enriched relationships. She is also an assistant clinical professor of OB-GYN and psychiatry at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University. She has been working as a sex educator, researcher and therapist for 18 years.

Love At First Scent? Research Shows a Woman's Sense of Smell Can Lead Her To Mr Right

Love At First Scent? Research Shows a Woman's Sense of Smell Can Lead Her To Mr Right

Wondering if he’s “the one”? Forget love at first sight and focus on love at first scent.

You know how a chance whiff of an old lover’s perfume or cologne can send you right back into the agony and the ecstasy of that relationship? Even more homey smells, like your favorite childhood meal, have the ability to seemingly transport you in time, back to being that little kid again. Smell is a powerful sense that goes directly to the core of our emotional brain and it plays a key role in attraction.

Fascinating research shows that a woman’s sense of smell can lead to her to Mr. Right, at least reproductively speaking. Research has shown that each of us will be attracted to people who possess a particular set of genes, known as the major histocompatibility complex (MHC), which play a critical role in our immune systems. Mates with dissimilar MHC genes produce healthier offspring with broad immune systems.

How do people who differ in their MHC find each other? This isn't fully understood, but we know that smell is an important cue. People appear to literally sniff out their mates. In studies, women tend to rate the scent of T-shirts worn by men with dissimilar MHCs as most attractive, whereas T-shirts worn by guys with similar MHC profiles tend to be rated as “fatherly” or “brotherly,” but not boyfriend material. This is what sexual "chemistry" is all about. We’re drawn to certain people, without quite knowing why.

In my own surveys of men and women, women rate scent much more highly than men. This makes sense evolutionarily speaking, since women carry children for nine months during pregnancy and would need to sniff out a good mate who would stick around and support them.

Many women who have satisfying sex lives claim to love the scent of their guy, while many women who have dissatisfying sex claim their guy’s scent does nothing for them, or even turns them off. When I talk to women in relationships who claim that the sexual attraction was never really there to begin with, many also say that they didn’t like, or notice, his smell.

So, ladies, ask yourself: Do you like the way he smells? Does it turn you on? Get you going?

Here are some tips to put the power of smell to work for your sex life — and maybe your future progeny. Remember, if you’re into his smell, it goes a long way toward speaking to chemistry. If you’re not, it could have a negative impact on the relationship.

• If you’re wondering if he’s the one, take a good whiff of some of his clothes — how does it make you feel? Do you think warm, fuzzy thoughts or do you think he should really do his laundry? Or, try an overnight with a favorite article of his clothing. Many women love to sleep in their husband’s shirts, wear their men’s sweatshirts and are picking up on the scent, whether it’s conscious or unconscious. Do you like to wear his stuff when he’s not around? It’s another sign along the trail to sniffing out your MHC compatibility.
  
• Take a break from the pill and use another form of birth control. Research shows that the pill may interfere with a woman’s ability to sniff out a compatible mate, since it tricks the body into thinking she’s already pregnant. Some researchers suggest that if you’re single, you should forgo the pill until you’re sure you’ve met your match. Try another form of birth control and see if some scent-awareness appears.
  
• Try some scent-sational aphrodisiacs. A study conducted by the Smell and Taste Research Foundation in Chicago uncovered some powerful smells for boosting his arousal. The scent of lavender and pumpkin pie, and donuts and black licorice, in particular, increased blood flow to the penis by nearly 40 percent! So turn up the volume on an attraction that’s already there with some strategic baking or candles on your next date night at home.
  
• Smell-train your man. Men may not have as keen a sense of smell as women, but it’s still a sense that’s often neglected. One female patient told me that she had a secret. Whenever her husband wanted to have sex, she would go freshen up and put on some perfume. He had become so used to the association of that scent and sex, that when she was in the mood, all she had to do was put some on and he wanted to have sex.
  
• Scent can help fuel the flames of desire — and cool the flames of conflict. When you’re fighting, take a break to “hug and smell” — 20-second hugs raise oxytocin levels (the feel-good chemical) and following your nose will help you put the tension behind you.

So what’s the lesson, ladies? Follow your nose, it always knows!

Ian Kerner is a sex therapist, relationship counselor and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books, including the recently published “Sex Detox: A Program to Detoxify and Rejuvenate Your Love Life.” He was born and raised in New York City, where he lives with his wife, two young sons and plump Jack Russell terrier.