The Cougar Craze On The Dr Phil Show

Hello Cougars and Cubs,

Dr Phil did a show today on the "Cougar Craze" to discuss the movement of younger guys seeking older women as partners.

He tried to present a balanced view but I think he missed the boat a little. I was already a bit worried about how the show would represent the cougar women when I saw the preview. As soon as I saw the preview, I emailed the show and asked if we could be involved or have some comments from our group included and I invited them to check us out and our events.

We are the only group doing regular Cougar and Cubs Dating events. In my personal life I've nearly always been partial to younger guys so I've had a lot of real life experience. After hosting about 300 singles parties and events over 4 years and having made countless matches and many marriages, I can call myself an expert on dating and relationships and I have enough experience to make a few comments on The Dr Phil Show and the cougar mentality that was portrayed.

On his Cougar show, he used the same tired old clip that everyone has used from the "Sugar Mama's and Boy Toys" event which didn't do much except to show cougars in the light of having to "buy" their cubs. Bobbi, on the Dr Phil show tried her best to portray what a real cougar is like, but her message got a little lost. (See Dr Phil's Show Copy Below)

How can cougars be seen in a positive light when at events like the "Sugar Mama" event, they have to pay $500 to attend and men can get by on $50 and being handsome. That event sent out a pretty negative message about what cougar women are like. I found the Sugar Mama event to be degrading in its message that younger guys will be interested in older women ONLY if they have enough cash in the purses to buy their toy boy. If a cougar has to pay $500 to date a cub...she's doing something wrong. I guess for all the money those Sugar Mama cougars make...they still got ripped off. They could have met 15 wonderful cubs at my event for about $50.00.

This isn't the real image of the confident cougar woman nor is it the way real cougar women are, or how real cougar women behave.

Real cougar women are confident, smart and sexy and can attract the men they want just by being themselves. They know who they are and they are proud to be their own person. They are well rounded in all areas of their lives because they've had time to become their best selves. They can be high-powered business women in the office; loving mothers at home; kind, supportive and strong in their friendships and a sex goddess in the bedroom. In our youth-obsessed culture we are forgetting the depth and well roundedness of a luscious, mature woman. The analogy to fine wine is obvious, unless you like cheap wine.

A cougar is strong and powerful in herself because she's spent time working on who she is and she's become comfortable in her own skin. She's not interested in working hard to please men like she did when she was younger. She knows that if she pleases herself and is a happy and confident Cougar, she will naturally attract the younger men who seek her out. A smart and wily Cub who takes care of his Cougar knows that's he will be well taken care of by his Cougar. It's a naturally reciprocal relationship just like any other one.

I'd love to hear your comments on the subject.

Also check out the comments on Dr Phil's Message Boards at http://drphil.com/messageboard/topic/3266

COPY FROM THE DR PHIL SHOW:

"Demi Moore did it. So did Madonna and Halle Berry. This trend of older women dating younger men is called the Cougar Craze, and it’s sweeping the country. Recently, at a New York speed-dating event, "Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys," good-looking 35-year-old men wooed women over 35 who made at least $500,000 a year. Jeremy organized the event and says he was just answering a demand from affluent ladies. Was he sincere in his matchmaking or just out to make a buck? Dr. Phil talks to two women who participated in the event -- Gail, 44 and Nancy, 50. Their experiences might surprise you. Then, 51-year-old Kat says she’s no cougar; she just likes to date younger guys because men her age are set in their ways. She says her 23-year-old ex-boyfriend, Ryon, was loving, passionate and had a much higher libido than older men. Her friend, Nancy, says Kat has a great head for business, but a bad one when it comes to the opposite sex. She says young men just see dollar signs when they see Kat. Is Kat dating down, or should Nancy just butt out? And, Bobbi had an 11-year relationship with a man who was 17 years her junior, but she says once she turned 50, he saw her as too old. She wants to be in a relationship again, but not with an older man. Her son, Nathan, says someone still wet behind the ears can’t appreciate all Bobbi has to offer. Does Nathan have the right to put his foot down with his mother? Do you think it's OK for older women to date younger men?"

I checked out the poll on Dr Phil's website and over 80% of people think it's OK for younger men to date older women.

Cheers, The Aussie Cougar

Reinventing Romance: Online Dating, Over-40 Style

Internet dating can be daunting at any age. Here, our relationship expert offers smart advice for finding love online after 40. By Sherry Amatenstein, MSW at www.More.com

After her husband of 31 years died, Francine Pappadis Friedman joined Match.com. In 9 months, the then 50-year-old went on 25 online dates -- all first and last dates. Recalls Friedman, author of MatchDotBomb: A Midlife Journey Through Internet Dating, "One guy met me for a drink on what turned out to be the day after his wife's funeral."

Yes, this is a groaner, but also proof that a sense of humor is a key requirement for embarking on the adventure that is online dating. Joelle Kaufman, VP of Engage.com, says, "There is not as much pressure in boomer online dating. These women are not necessarily looking to marry or have kids. So they have a more casual attitude and are more flexible. For instance, many are willing to consider a man who isn't in their immediate neighborhood."

Or to consider a much younger man. Dr. Ian Kerner points out, "Younger women may be more confident with Internet tools such as Match Talk, which allows members to talk on the phone anonymously. But boomers have more world experience which gives them more confidence." Dr. Kerner, author of He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man, adds, "These women enjoy both pursuing and being pursued."

Plan Your Online Dating Strategy

With online dating services constantly trumpeting new gimmicks (i.e., Engage.com encourages members to include references from family and friends to help demonstrate their trustworthiness), it's helpful to initiate a "battle plan" that will net maximum results.

"Most people start with giants like Match.com or JDate or Yahoo! Personals," says Erika Moore, cofounder of RomanceLanguage.org, which offers guidance in the art of online dating. If you're looking less for quantity than for commonality of interests, Moore suggests Googling "dating sites" or "singles" with a pertinent keyword to further refine the field. Spot- and Rover-lovers can thus sign on to DateMyPet.com, bicyclists can try CyclingSingles.com, and Ivy Leaguers can meet their well-educated brethren at RightStuffDating.com.

Spend time crafting the perfect profile. "Stay away from cliches, negativity, and super intensity," Moore advises, adding, "My headline, which got a great response rate, was 'Bonus Points for Funny and Sane.'" And rather than littering your narrative with phrases like "love walking on the beach," Moore suggests something unique like, "'A personal paradox of sorts, I'm a quick-to-anger (Republicans) but tolerant (really cute Republicans) peacenik.'" And don't forget a great photo that is, or looks, professionally done -- full face and smiling.

Your responses to men's ads should also be thoughtful. Joelle Kaufman of Engage.com suggests, "Don't send cookie cutter, long e-mails to multiple prospects. A short message that is personalized based on the person's profile is optimum."

Now for the $64,000 question: Should you fudge certain facts about yourself (i.e., lie about your age)? Kaufman says, "You can be two to three years off to get into a certain demographic on the site, but fess up quickly." The truth may not set you free, but it will always come out sooner or later. Best to make it sooner.

Protect Yourself

Unfortunately, as in the real world, cyber land has its share of bad seeds, so it is essential to exercise good sense. Stephany Alexander, author of the e-book Sex, Lies, and the Internet cautions, "Always ask for his home number to make sure he isn't married and call between 7 and 10 p.m. because that's when a committed man is with his significant other." Here's Alexander's most savvy tactic: As soon as you know his real name, run it through womansavers.com, a free screening service that has 20,000 men's names entered by women globally to flush out liars, cheaters, and abusers.

Just as important: Don't give him your home phone or address too soon, initially meet in a public place, and take advantage of the dating site's "anonymous" e-mail feature until you're 100 percent certain he's trustworthy.

Of course most members aren't con artists. But odds are there'll be one or two you wouldn't want to be trapped in an elevator with, much less across a romantically set dinner table. So make the initial meet quick and cheap. Starbucks was invented for online dating.

Use this short "look see" to detect red flags such as your companion's tendency to check out every female within range. Even if he has a scarlet L for LOSER stamped on his forehead, Francine Pappadis Friedman, she of 25 online first and last dates fame, says, "Be nice. There were a few guys who made me want to lock myself in the ladies' room, but it's important to remember each of them is coming to the table with his hopes, dreams, expectations, and baggage, just as you are."

Not interested? As you part, say a polite, "It was nice meeting you." The message -- don't 'e' me; I won't 'e' you -- should be received. If it's not, let him down gently: "I enjoyed your company but don't feel we're a match." If he still won't vanish into the cyber-mist, check out the site's technology allowing you to block someone's e-mail.

If he's the one who boneheadedly rejects your fabulous self, dive right back into the Internet pool. But don't rely on online dating alone as your source of potential romantic partners. Ideally, it is one prong of your man-meeting approach, not the entire strategy.

However, utilized wisely, online dating can be extremely effective. "Many people I know met the loves of their lives this way," says Friedman. "I succumbed to 'chronic meeting syndrome' -- too many dates in too short a time and burnt out." Is she considering a second run? "Very likely I was just unlucky."

A run of bad luck is discouraging but with the next profile you click, your luck can change. Here's to the possibilities.

From at Article at http://www.More.com