Hello Everyone,
This is the very first post for the new Real Live People Party Social Networking Blog.
I'm starting this blog now because I'm amazed at the amount of controversy generated over our recent speed dating party for Women 35-45 and Men 25-35.
Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys, Cougars and Cubs...you get the drift. We were sold out for this event.
A few months ago someone ran an event for older, wealthy women and younger, hot guys with no money. To me, that concept felt like the women were "buying" the guys. I didn't like the message that event was sending. However it made me think about how many women are interested in younger guys. I like to help people meet each other and if there are older women who want to meet younger guys, then I'll organize it.
This is the very first post for the new Real Live People Party Social Networking Blog.
I'm starting this blog now because I'm amazed at the amount of controversy generated over our recent speed dating party for Women 35-45 and Men 25-35.
Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys, Cougars and Cubs...you get the drift. We were sold out for this event.
A few months ago someone ran an event for older, wealthy women and younger, hot guys with no money. To me, that concept felt like the women were "buying" the guys. I didn't like the message that event was sending. However it made me think about how many women are interested in younger guys. I like to help people meet each other and if there are older women who want to meet younger guys, then I'll organize it.
I was amazed at the number of emails and feedback I got about this event.
On the positive side I got some great comments from many male and female members who were really happy I was doing this. They appreciated that I was putting this together because no one else was doing events for older women and younger guys.
I was surprised about the negative feedback. Some people were angry that I was doing an event like this at all. Some suggested I had no morals for running such a disgusting event. I was shocked at the negative response and surprised why some people felt so threatened by the concept.
Older guys have been interested in younger girls for years. Why is it so offensive for older women to want to meet younger guys? I guess the nay-sayers are really just highlighting their own insecurity.
One ridiculous blogger who runs mediocre events in the city had her sensibilities offended by the words I used in my invitation. (See below in green.) To sensationalize her blog, she portrayed our event in a disgusting manner and went on a tirade about how desperate older women were, if they wanted to date younger guys. She decided women over 40 should just deal with the fact that they're getting old instead of trying to hang on to their youth through the younger guys.
Is she kidding?? Women Rock! We can do anything we want at any age.
On the positive side I got some great comments from many male and female members who were really happy I was doing this. They appreciated that I was putting this together because no one else was doing events for older women and younger guys.
I was surprised about the negative feedback. Some people were angry that I was doing an event like this at all. Some suggested I had no morals for running such a disgusting event. I was shocked at the negative response and surprised why some people felt so threatened by the concept.
Older guys have been interested in younger girls for years. Why is it so offensive for older women to want to meet younger guys? I guess the nay-sayers are really just highlighting their own insecurity.
One ridiculous blogger who runs mediocre events in the city had her sensibilities offended by the words I used in my invitation. (See below in green.) To sensationalize her blog, she portrayed our event in a disgusting manner and went on a tirade about how desperate older women were, if they wanted to date younger guys. She decided women over 40 should just deal with the fact that they're getting old instead of trying to hang on to their youth through the younger guys.
Is she kidding?? Women Rock! We can do anything we want at any age.
I hear from many guys who only want to date younger women. No one judges them for that. They prefer younger women, and that's great.
However there are men who love the experience and comfort level of women who are older. These women don't have to play games and are really honest with who they are. The level of respect the younger guys have for older women is refreshing. Why wouldn't women want to date younger guys?
However there are men who love the experience and comfort level of women who are older. These women don't have to play games and are really honest with who they are. The level of respect the younger guys have for older women is refreshing. Why wouldn't women want to date younger guys?
Thank you to the cougars and cubs who attended and who helped sell out our event. I was really happy watching how well everyone got on during the event and how many matches were made. We had an over 90% match rate at this event. Of the 26 members who attended, 23 of them had at least 1 match and some had as high as 7 matches. Pretty good for 1 night's dating.
Please send your comments about the event and your thoughts in general about older women dating younger guys. Let's get this discussion out in the open.
Please send your comments about the event and your thoughts in general about older women dating younger guys. Let's get this discussion out in the open.
NOTE: I'd love to hear any suggestions for a more interesting name for this event instead of Cougars and Clubs or Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys. Any ideas welcome?
I can't wait to read your responses to our first blog.
Cheers, Ilana
It time for the ladies to enjoy guys who are young, vibrant, ready, willing and able. For the guys...it's a chance to live out a fantasy of the older woman who is more experienced and knows what she wants.
I can't wait to read your responses to our first blog.
Cheers, Ilana
The original promo copy for the event, is below.
UrbanCougar.com calls New York the Cougar Capital where a sophisticated species of female seeks the pleasure of younger males and enjoys the freedom of the hunt."
UrbanCougar.com calls New York the Cougar Capital where a sophisticated species of female seeks the pleasure of younger males and enjoys the freedom of the hunt."
Real Live People Party is hosting an "Evening of Eye Candy", for the woman who is confident, sexy, adventurous and lives life to the fullest.
Remember the original cougar Mrs Robinson from The Graduate? We've come a long way baby! Demi Moore, Madonna, Susan Sarandon, Kim Cattrall and who can forget Cher with her string of young, sexy boy toys.
As a side note, I am rather partial to younger guys, so I'm really going to enjoy hosting this event.
19 comments:
It was my first time at speed dating, and it was a lot fun, Ilana is a great organicer, a wonderful person too, and did a great job with this event, it was great meeting so many beautiful women in one night even if I was one of the 3 people who didnt got a date :-p, but thats prob cuz I was the only one who didnt live in the city.
It was a lot of fun, and older women are more sexier than younger ones, they dress better and they look more confident, the eximent of being with a women older than me, is a lot more that word can descrive.
I posted this blog to another group I belong to and I've included their responses in the conversation.
Age aint nothing but a number....
Author: Anaida on 14 March
I think it is a good event, why not? Is it that after 35 women are running out of options to date anybody of their age or a little older? I don't understand why it is happening the demographics should be always around 50-50. But that is what i have heard.
Author: T. K. on 14 March
No, I think women start doing whatever it is that makes them happy rather than what society dictates is proper.
Author: Anna S.
Financial security has something to do with it also ...
Author: Anna S.
one of the best and nicest relationships i know is between a 27 year old friend of mine and his 10 year or so older girlfriend. and you wouldn't even guess if you'd see them. though i find the idea of a speed dating event awful whatever the age group but i guess some people need that or they'll never meet anyone.
Author: Z. M. on 14 March
Physiologically, a younger "cub" is a better match to a "cougar", not to mention both stand to benefit as the cub can learn a few things while the cougar can enjoy trying again, and again...
Nothing wrong with older women and younger men. I don't think its as likely something serious materializes, but who cares if both are consenting adults looking for some fun?
BTW, i think there's already a cougar dating site, www.gocougar.com :)
Author: Ben C.
Ben, you may have just noted a key element ... the lack of seriousness.
Actually, lack of seriousness is an attractive quality and as men get older they become increasingly more serious while women relax and become more comfortable with themselves.
I think that website will get a lot of visitors ...
Author: Anna S.
anna, i'm still not serious and heading towards 50 and neither are most of my male friends. ;)
Author: Z. M.
Well, Z, you may be one of those attractive guys that remain so.
I am also trying to understand why, some years ago, I would have NEVER looked at someone my age not to mention someone younger. It's interesting to wake up to the fact that men also pay attention to women older than they are.
Author: Anna S.
'men also pay attention to women older than they are'; true but only when there's a lot of traffic and i help them cross the street.
Author: Z. M.
I love me a cougar ;)
Author: Arthur L. on 14 March
-ilana, i think it s a great thing u did in organizing such event. who cares about the age after all, it
exists only in passport for reminding so absurd. lets say, all matters upon the kind of feeling,
intention u put into the relation. and then all surprises come along.
Author: Ay
I think this is a fantastic idea Ilana. Don't even think twice about that crabby ol' blogger. Please PM me when you have another event. I have two dear girlfriends in NY who I know would love to be part of it. It absolutely makes sense. Regardless of money, security and all that jazz, sometimes a woman need a man whose sex drive is on the same page.
Cheers, Author: Sonia G
ilana - lovely walk on the wilder side.
when i complained about being depressed and worried about getting older by the hour two of men at least 10 years younger male colleges offered to be the part of the young lover to lighten up my spirits. strictly for medical reason. a fleshy prozac.
they said they could take turns.
i looked them over and decided: naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
i´m too arrogant for that.
i want to have a grown up whose wife is younger than me.
(this is a joke!!!)
Author: GVL on 15 March
In the early 20s it's great for a man to get involved with an older woman... as he gets older nahhhhh
Author: M. H.
Hey Everyone,
Thanks for the great feedback. I'm always interested in hearing other people's thoughts on things.
Some people work 24/7 and don't get time to be social and don't have the time to meet new people. Everyone has different needs and I think everyone should have the opportunity to be able to meet the type of person they want.
When I run these events, I get a real charge out of watching the people who attend to connect with other members. It makes me happy to see them make new friends or relationships or whatever they want.
We already booked another Cougar event for April so we'll get to do it again.
I'm going to have to put together an event for the Sugar Daddies and Princesses also.
Have a great week.
Cheers, Ilana
Suggestion: Change the name of the event and lose the scary promo
I understand the intent behind using "cougar" here is about being current and descriptive in a quick way. However, "cougar" is a derogatory term being utilized more and more by the media. And it's purpose is represent "older" women as sexual predators - leaving little room for us to be anything else once the word is invoked.
I mean, if the point is not about women "buying" the men, then why portray them as one dimensional creatures of the hunt?
the point is not whether women/men sould or shouldn't date at whatever age. the point is that if there were an event that paired older men and younger women, there would be outrage and cries of moral offense. so to promote an event that is the opposite is really a Double Standard. why are women empowering themselves by staging a Cougar-Cub event, but men are sleazy if they staged a Older-Younger event? and while on that topic, many younger women would find the idea of an older man repulsive, so why is it wrong if people find Cougars repulsive? also, of the many "matches" mentioned at the last event, i assure you it has to do more with simply getting laid than it does with any sort of lasting romance. call it what it is. its not classy, its just a hookup.
If you wanted to help women in their 40's meet men in their 20's you could have come up with a more dignified way to do it. As a man I don't feel at all compelled to meet a woman at an event like this. I could go to plenty of different parties or cultural events and meet older women who are intelligent and confident who could introduce me to things (besides sex which I could get in any bar in Manhattan) that women my age don't have a clue about. A woman who pays $40 to meet a younger man to scew sounds like the opposite of what I would be looking for. Not classy.
I'll be wondering if you approve this comment or if you'll approve only the positive ones up. The fact that you moderate your comments tells me all I need to know about what people really think of this idea.
Hi,
Thanks so much for your email.
Please don't judge what I will or won't do till you know me. I published your blog as I want this to be a legit forum for people, regardless of whether they agree with my point of view or not.
The reason it's moderated is so no one is overtly rude in their responses.
Do not disparage my members just because you're feeling harsh and angry.
Speed Dating is a perfectly viable option for some people who work 24/7 or who don't have time to meet new people. Just because you have time to "hang out" doesn't mean other people do.
In the same time that you could maybe meet 1 person at an event, you are guaranteed to meet at least 10 and up to 15 in the same amount of time.
Seems like a no-brainer to me.
I notice you posted this comment anonymously. I wonder what judgments I could make about that...maybe that if you were a person of your convictions, you'd have written your comment under your own name.
Cheers, Ilana
If this "Cougar & Cub" party was successful enough that another will be hosted just a few weeks later, wouldn't it be fair to us older guys to have a similar opportunity? This success convinces me all the more that there should also be a party for older guys & younger girls. Girls often complain about meeting guys that just play games, and are not looking for serious relationships, even marriage. Well, these girls are not alone...there are plenty of girls out there that play games too, and I'm tired of meeting them. I seriously doubt that I'm the only guy who has experienced this.
Personally, I think if a younger girl registers to a speed dating event, at which she knows older guys will be attending, she likely would expect to meet guys that are mature, and DO NOT play games, etc. She can expect to meet plenty of guys that are serious about finding special girls in their lives...guys that are interested in nothing less than a "real" exclusive relationship, even marriage. At the same time, the guys can also have the peace of mind that the girls will likely want the same things.
Although speed dating is one of the best things to have happened in the dating world, it seems that it does not necessarily discourage attendance of those that are not really serious about finding someone special.
I think your Cougar/Cub idea is a clever one. I just ask that you consider hosting a younger girl/older guy event, or at least asking everyone what interest there may be in such an event.
Let me know what you think.
Happy St. Patty's Day :o)
I don't understand the controversy here... If you're not into the cougar/cub thing, don't go to the event! It's that simple. Nothing to get all hot n' bothered about. Mind your own business, don't worry about who other people are or are not dating, and go to the event that appeals to you. Geez! Everyone's so self-righteous.
I happen to be totally for the cougar/cub relationship. I recently dated a guy 12 years younger than me and found the experience very fulfilling, emotionally, spiritually, etc. He was fun and sweet and easy to be around, not bitter and angry as some (don't freak out, I said SOME) older guys are - just see the posts above. He also treated me better than any of the 30 and 40-somethings I've dated in recent memory.
I don't really mind the cougar moniker, even though it does sound predatory I think it also implies that I'm hot and powerful and desirable to sexy younger men, which is cool.
Also, there's nothing that dictates that these relationship can't have a future. I know several women happily married to men up to 10 years younger than them.
As for the guy who wants an older guy/younger girl event.... I'm sure Ilana would do one if she could fill it up and make money, but what exactly is supposed to be the hook for the younger women???? A bunch of bitter, commitment-phobic, sagging men whose equipment no longer functions like it used to without performance-enhancing drugs? Thanks, I'll pass.
Hi Ilana,
Posting the occasional scandalous event is good for generating buzz but ultimately you have to ask yourself if it's the kind of buzz you want. Is this how you want to make your mark? By running speed dating events for cougars or men looking for trophy wives and blow job classes? What kind of impression do you think business professionals will have when they go to sign up for a business networking event and see those listed as well? These are the things you should be considering. What's more important - what some self-righteous anonymous blogger has to say or what potential customers/employers might think of you? Figure out what your true message is and then build on that and stop trying to create controversy.
My two cents. ;0
I've seen this on the web a few days ago at: http://www.huntingcougar.com/
***
Of the cougar clan, the babyboomer generation is leading the way with 42+ million females between the ages of 40 and 59 according to the 2005 US census. They outnumber the males in this generation by about 1.5 million and of those 42 million, only 65% are married with their spouse present, leaving 14.9 million lady baby boomers who aren't locked down and could be on the prowl. In 1995, there were only 10.2 million females in the same age/marital status group meaning there has been a 47% increase in cougars in the last ten years (1995-2005).
***
The numbers speak for themselves. Props to Ilana for recognizing a clear and growing opportunity. I saw the event and was foolish to not attend it. I'm not going to miss the next one.
The confidence of older women alone is incredibly attractive. After being blessed with a few memorable encounters, I have hard time concentrating on younger women.
Let's be honest: Women age better than men (we don't go bald and we don't develop unsightly paunches unless we start gorging on everythingin sight). It's an unspoken truth but there it is (the idea that men get distinguished as they get older
while women get old is misogynistic bullcrap propagated by a sexist, patriarchal society designed to keep women in check-with older women being far more threatening to masculine power than a young, inexperienced babe). I'm 44 years old and I can't tell you HOW many overtures I get from younger men, as opposed to men
my age.
As we all know, there are quite a few men my age who want to date women 20 years younger. Now THEY look ridiculous and the women are rarely
interested in them other than what's in their wallet. At least many of us still look really good and our sex drive is at its peak, without resorting to Viagara overdoses.
"...what exactly is supposed to be the hook for the younger women???? A bunch of bitter, commitment-phobic, sagging men whose equipment no longer functions like it used to without performance-enhancing drugs? Thanks, I'll pass."
I'm a guy, but I understand what this lady is saying. I don't have to be a woman to think that such a description of an older guy is distasteful, to say the least.
If it's possible for men of this calibre to attend an older men/younger women event, then it's just as possible for women of this calibre to attend a Couger/Cub event. I guess my point is that if this lady really feels that she'd want to pass, then she can understand that some younger guys would feel the same way about meeting older women.
Lastly, is there any similarity between her description of the "older guy", and the description that is in the entry that she referred to?
When is the next one? I've always been a fan of the older woman, but, it's really hard to find an available one.
Guyz, I went to the last event and it was wonderful. Older women dress and carry themselves better than younger ones. I look forward to another such event. Ilana, pm me when you host 2nd Cougar dating event.
Why does the number of comments in this blog, determine whether or not an event will be offered for older guys & younger girls?
Such "justification" was not required for the Cougar event, right?
And they're already getting a 2nd event?
Hi,
The reason I need to "justify" that event is because if I don't have enough men interested in the event then I won't be able to fill it. With the cougar party I knew it would sell as I've been getting request for it. The more requests I get for a type of event, the sooner I can organize it.
Cheers, Ilana
Ilana,
In my opinion your cougar-cub event is a disservice to the American woman. Most of these women will only get hurt at some point when the younger man will leave them for a younger woman or get bored. There is a greater chance that these older women will find themselves pregnant from the younger man, and then become a single parent. So unfair to the children of these matches. I know your intentions are good, but think of the negative consequences to the older woman. You can say this is their choice but I hope you can sleep knowing you are responsible for unwanted pregnancy, single parent households. and women getting hurt by their lovers leaving them for a younger woman.
I love your networking events, but feel this cougar-cub event diminishes your credibility in the business world.
There are many women who would like to date men in our nation's prisons or date married men. I hope you won't be facilitating a speed dating event for those purposes just because it's what women think they want?
Thank you, SB
Here are several more comments from other folks on this subject.
Keep sending us your opinions.
Cheers, Ilana
Bitter and angry. Nice.
Posted by: jp doyle | March 20, 2008 at 08:31 AM
I don't know why women my age (I'm very close to 40) feel as though they have to compete with younger women or go after younger men. A guy 12 years younger is for your ego, he's not an ideal companion. My boyfriend is in his late 30s and is a good catch (good career, above average looks and intelligence, is nice to animals, etc). I'm not trying to brag, I'm trying to say is that it is not impossible in a large urban area (such as NYC) to find the one guy (or girl) that you're compatible with in all ways. I'm tired of the anger, the bitterness, the attacks on the opposite sex, the excuses of why it's not happening for someone. Be realistic about your expectations, that's all I'm saying...
Posted by: lola | March 20, 2008 at 08:43 AM
Notice how many times 40 something men and 40 something women say all the other 40 something men and women are bitter, over weight, no energy, want to go to bed t 9:00 and, therefore, that is the reason they have to date the opposite sex 10 to 20 years younger. Now it is true that in any segment of the population you will find SOME bitter men in their 40's and some bitter women in their 40's but today most healthy, employed people tend to be fairly satisfied and happy with their lives. Nothing ages a person faster than a diagnosis of cancer, diabetes, or a host of other diseases and illnesses and when someone gets sick they and the people around them become very angry, bitter and upset with the rest of the world. People who are unemployed, lost great jobs and now cannot get a similar paying job or are plagued with other personal problems become jaded and bitter. By and large I think the bitter angry men and women are more the exception than the rule. There is a certain type of man and women who get off on saying oh I am dating this person who is so many years younger. Hey if it works for them then so be it. Why others get so angry over who other people date has always baffled me. Take a look around any day and see couples together and it becomes absolutely obvious anyone who wants to be married can be married. There is someone for everyone.
I am always amazed for the 40's people claiming there are no other people in their 40's who are as energetic as they are and as fun as in shape, etc., etc. Why is it that the people in their 40's who claim to be these perfect specimens ever want to date other specimens in their 40's. Oh yeah, I forgot, each one claims to be the only one in their 40's who is so perfect. Too many people have way too high opinion of themselves.
Contrary to what gets said on this blog the majority of men are actually happier in their marriages then women and some lucky women are as happy as their husbands. Dennis Quaid said it best in a TV movie when his friend wants a divorce that "Men complain about their wives and kids, it is what we do, but it doesn't mean we are going to leave them". There are some on this blog who say all the married men they know are unhappy and cheat on their wives and maybe they are just unlucky in knowing a lot of unhappy people but People who are truly happy don't going around saying I have the best wife or husband in the world they just smile inside when they hear others complaining. Unhappy people talk more than happy people. The happy ones know what they have is sacred and they keep it inside for fear of jinxing themselves.
Posted by: | March 20, 2008 at 09:37 AM
I think this hits in the 35+ category.
Posted by: femme.fatal | March 20, 2008 at 09:52 AM
In all fairness to the men, I have to say that my 40-year-old boyfriend beats the hell out of anyone I've slept with in the last 15 years.
I came from an extremely negative marriage with an older guy (he was 10 years older) who suffered from premature ejaculation and preferred to jack off to porn on the internet most nights (not to mention being a cheater). I definitely judged a lot of men my age very unfairly based upon that experience.
I dated younger for about 2 and a half years, from about 12 years younger (fun, but I really started wanting someone with some life experience under his belt after a few months) to about 5-7 years younger.
Definitely, with the 12-year age gap, there were no longterm prospects between us, though it was fun and I have no regrets. When you start getting closer in age, maybe 5 years or so, I don't think it makes much difference who is older, male or female, though I will say that more men under 40 had working moms, and thus, they tend to be a little less old-fashioned than a lot of their older peers.
However, having said that, there did come a point in my life when I started to be attracted to men my own age again, and wanted someone from my generation with whom I would have more in common. And dating someone my own age (well, he's 2 years younger, but that's not much) is far more rewarding and satisfying, TO ME.
The sex is amazing, and his body is every bit as hot as any younger guy I dated.
I also went through a phase when guys my age didn't ask me out, and seemed more interested in women ten years younger. I still think that there is a lot of that out there. But when I started wanting to date someone my own age, I found there were plenty of guys in my age group to date.
I have to say (and anyone who has seen me post over the years will know this is a huge concession) that maybe, just maybe, it was ME.
This post makes me understand why that might have been. The only guys who are going to be attracted to this bitter, angry, negative attitude are the ones who just want to get laid, not the ones who want to fall in love.
Posted by: trouble | March 20, 2008 at 09:56 AM
THIS PERSON OBVIOUSLY HAS HER OWN ISSUES AS SHE SPEWS SO MUCH ANGER AND FRUSTRATION THAT SHOWS SHE HAS BECOME WHAT SHE HATES!
WHAT IS NORMAL?WHAT IS CORRECT FOR THE OTHER PERSON?WHO CARES AS LONG AS THEY'RE HAPPY.I DON'T KNOW TOO MANY MARRIED PEOPLE MALE OR FEMALE THAT DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR SITUATION,BUT THE ALTERNATIVE IS LESS INVITING.
WHEN I GO OUT I MEET MOSTLY MARRIED WOMAN LOOKING FOR FUN!WHY,BECAUSE THEIR HUSBANDS ARE NOT GIVING THEM THE ATTENTION THAT THEY WANT.ON THE OTHER HAND,MOST OF THE MARRIED MEN THAT I KNOW COMPLAIN THAT THEIR WIVES HAVE LOST THEIR SEX DRIVES AS WELL AS THEIR WASTE LINES.LOOK AT TODAYS 20 SOMETHING GIRLS AND YOU SEE MORE HAPPY WITH THEIR BODIES REGARDLESS OF THE EXTRA 10-15 POUNDS THAT THEY ARE CARRYING.THE 40 SOMETHING WOMAN HAVE FALLEN INTO THE SAME PLIGHT AS THE 40 SOMETHING MEN.TODAYS NEEDS ARE DIFFERENT THAN AT ANY TIME IN HISTORY.STOP WHINNING AND GO DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.WHO GIVES A CRAP WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS?IF YOU WAKE UP WITH A MATE WHO IS OF SIGNIFICANT AGE DIFFERENCE AND YOU BOTH SMILE AND SAY GOOD MORNING,THAN YOU'RE WAY AHEAD OF THE GAME!
Posted by: JAKE | March 20, 2008 at 10:02 AM
And, not to get too psychological or anything, but this seems like a displaced form of self-hatred:
~~~A bunch of bitter, commitment-phobic, sagging men whose equipment no longer functions like it used to without performance-enhancing drugs?~~~
Posted by: trouble | March 20, 2008 at 10:02 AM
Well.. I do have to agree that as men get older if they do not exercise, their equipment does experience some...issues. When i hit my mid 30's and started dating men in their early 40's I was shocked at how many of them had ED issues. And yes, most of them were not in shape - not hideously so, but a man with a stomach is a sure sign.
That said, i wonder why this woman found it necessary to write this post. It sounds like maybe she is at the point in her life where she hasn't accepted that dating is a different experience as we get older and that we have to change with it.
I have a friend who is in his early 50's. Although he is in great shape, he has a lot of gray hair and has lots of wrinkles. He was a bit of a blond-haired beach boy growing up. He is depressed about the fact that women pretty much ignore HIM. He said, I know that I've aged, but do I have to be treated like I am invisible?
Guys and gals, we're in this thing together.
Posted by: isa.how | March 20, 2008 at 10:11 AM
Wow. Angry and bitter is right. And I know she said some.....but I am a 47yo male and I have NO desire to date someone younger than myself. My preference is 6-7yrs younger. And I can be a little bitter once in awhile but for the most part my friends and I have a great attitude of life and living.
Posted by: Kevin | March 20, 2008 at 10:42 AM
I always find it very funny when older women start complaining: why do men date younger women?
Hmmmm did you ever think to ask the opposite question: why do younger women like to date older men?
I'm sorry, but if you haven't learned that nobody (man or woman) is ENTITLED to a great significant other by the time you're 40 you need help. If you haven't leared that you have to earn it by truly opening yourself up, being fun to be around, and trying to look your best, lord help you because you must be as thick as hickory tree.
Peace.
Posted by: flighty | March 20, 2008 at 10:44 AM
Ow. One unhappy lady. I don't think she's aging very well.
Posted by: stache | March 20, 2008 at 11:20 AM
>> misogynistic bullcrap propagated by a sexist, patriarchal society >>
The author is obviously misandristic.
>> I'm 44 years old and I can't tell you HOW many overtures I get from younger men, as opposed to men my age. >>
Typically, the younger men are very hormone driven to pile into any hole in the wall, and act like idiots toward women their age, so those women aren't interested in them, they seek maturity in the male's behavior.
So these guys turn to conquest older women because they think they'll be taught a la Mrs. Robinson by these more experienced women. They also figure that the older women are deprived of sex and more willing to get into their beds.
"Older" men are desirous of sex too, and younger women are more physically appealing, as a group, than older women are, as a group. But more signficantly, older men are more experienced with dealing with women, and at signs of drama, heavy baggage and anger issues, the older man isn't as willing to put up with that behavior, which is another big, big reason why they are attracted to younger women devoid of those personality traits.
>> A bunch of bitter, commitment-phobic, sagging men whose equipment no longer functions like it used to without performance-enhancing drugs? >>
You can see why only a dope out to get his stick wet would want to associate with any woman, regardless of her age, who thinks like that.
BTW, the reason why men need Viagra is because they are expected to have sex with old women who resemble men and have become masculine. Give them a younger, feminine, sweet beauty, and amazingly, no pill is needed. Just picking two names out of a hat: It's Janet Reno vs. Jennifer Aniston - which one would get a guy excited and which one would he need a pill for? There's a reason strip clubs are filled with married men wanting to eyeball hot looking women. Their sex drive is obviously functioning, but their key needs the right keyhole in order to operate.
Love these euphemisms!
BTW, "older" is relative. 20-somethings think 40 is old, until they turn 40. Then they think 50 is old, until they turn 50. To an 80 y.o., 60 is a juvenile. And so on. This is why their jaws drop when they find out the person they pegged at 35 y.o. they're talking to turns out to be 55. It's because age is a chronological number, whereas physical attraction looks at the outward appearance resulting from the person's metabolic number. People can look older or younger than their age.
Moxie, maybe it would be an idea to have a get together where, instead of age ranges, you weed out misandrists? Seems from your forums that your events attract a fair number of them.
You don't want it to get to the point a guy may need Viagra just to attend a Moxie event... :)
Posted by: Mr. Me | March 20, 2008 at 12:07 PM
The OP is obviously a bitter feminist. At 44, men her age are ignoring her in droves, so she complains about them. Her comments about "patriarchy" and "equipment" failing show this bitterness completely. I can't imagine ANY man of ANY age having a relationship with that shallow, bitter witch. I am 30, and OF COURSE we will hit on sexy older women. For SEX. Just for SEX. We think you will be easier and give us valuable experience. Good luck ever having a relationship with a 10-years-younger guy. It will NEVER happen, because most people want to have a family. And a 44-year-old woman is approaching menopause with dried up eggs. Unfortunately, the OP has never done well in biology. The reason men can get married older is that they can reproduce older than women. Now what would be in it for younger women? Well, I'm not sure, but I also get many women in the college age interested in me at 30, so they don't want to deal with the immature idiots that are guys their age.
Posted by: Jack | March 20, 2008 at 12:31 PM
Personally I've always been attracted to older women. I've found most women my age (from my early Junior High School days to the present) to be immature and confused.
Having dated women as much as 30 years older than myself I've come to appreciate women who know what they want, are not afraid to say it, and are confident with themselves and know how to treat a man right who treats them right.
Most men I believe prefer younger women so they can have someone they can control and/or influence easily. Me I prefer someone with compatible goals, therefore no control needed.
Besides, older women physiques (the ones that stay in shape) blow any younger women out the park ANY DAY!!
Posted by: Gis | March 20, 2008 at 12:46 PM
Shut the F-up... get me a beer and make me a sandwich!
Old Guys Rule! :) (That's what it says on the surf T-Shirt my kids gave me!)
Posted by: OhRick | March 20, 2008 at 01:14 PM
Certainly a lot of intensity in that post.
I find it surprising when people tend to justify things like sexual attraction with high-level human behavior, the media, social traditions, etc. Attraction comes from a much lower level, subconscious brain, and this is why things rarely make sense to us or satisfy us.
Media affects people's desires because it exaggerates the traits that we already want, it shows us what is out there, albeit unattainable, and frustrates us with what is. This is its evil.
Society evolved the way it did much because of the way men and women are. Men and women have very different natures and those natures drive us into different roles. It is modern society which creates conflict, dissatisfaction, and divorce, because of the refusal of people to fill roles in the couple or in society, against their true instinctive needs and desires. When roles are not defined and accepted, right or wrong, things just get much more difficult.
This is precisely why most women are attracted to men who are mature, stable, high-status, and strong, and also why most men are attracted to women who are youthful, healthy (beautiful), and fertile. This is where instinct comes from. It's not about the Porsche, the mansion, the salary; or the manicure, makeup, and palates physique. It's the metaphor of safety and security, of reproductive promise that speaks to our primitive brains.
I personally do not seek to dominate a woman, and choose those who can be my equal. I fully admit that this goes against what is natural, that there are bound to be more challenges as a result. In nature, there is always one dominant animal, in the whole pack let alone in just a pair bond. Without dominance there is more room for disagreement and conflict in general. I believe human beings have a lot to gain by pairing with an equal, however, they need to be aware of the implications so they can better handle the conflict that it causes, so that the relationship can endure.
There are always exceptions to the rule, and roles can be reversed. Reversal of roles is actually healthier than taking on equal roles! However if we are asking "why this, why that" we are talking about trends and this is one trend that is quite solid. It's not as if Moxie, filled mostly with 30+ and up city-singles, all to some degree frustrated with their love lives, is a representative cross-section of the population.
The cougar phenomenon is new. Women who are now career motivated, empowered, do not allow themselves to be controlled by a man. Despite the idea that "having it all" is impossible, this is their credo. And when they can't find a suitable man with all the distractions they have in their 20's and early 30's, they retaliate by oversexualizing themselves, when I must believe that this is not what many of them want.
Posted by: It's Just That Simple | March 20, 2008 at 01:37 PM
Yup, most folks here got it right. The lady is a bitter, and haggardly looking bitch, if ever there was a term for it. You're the poster child! You are clearly unworthy of any man's attention, your age or not, and you tolerate attention (any for you is better than none, obviously) from younger men who probably treat you like shit, as you deserve.
If you were all that, why would you complain about not being with guys your own age? Since you have so much with the younger ones, who will let you pick up the tab, probably screw you and leave to go out with their friends and meet younger gals while you pass out on the sofa! Karma's not just a bitch to you, it's your fate. I am one of those 40 yo men who goes out with women 10-20 years younger than me because I'm stable, give them all my attention, satisfy them and make them happy, AND all of my equipment works just fine not chemically enhanced! You troll with losers, because water seeks it's own level. enjoy the sewer surfin', LOL
seriously, tho Gis...if you think a 40 yo body is 'hotter' than any svelte 20+ yo, you've got a severe Mommy complex, dude!
Posted by: MalePointofView | March 20, 2008 at 01:47 PM
dear trouble,
you're right....you shouldn't get "all psychological." projection is what you were looking for, not displacement.
Posted by: justme | March 20, 2008 at 02:26 PM
Just:
My bad, thanks for the correction.
Male:
~~~I am one of those 40 yo men who goes out with women 10-20 years younger than me because I'm stable, give them all my attention, satisfy them and make them happy, AND all of my equipment works just fine not chemically enhanced! You troll with losers, because water seeks it's own level. enjoy the sewer surfin', LOL
seriously, tho Gis...if you think a 40 yo body is 'hotter' than any svelte 20+ yo, you've got a severe Mommy complex, dude!~~~
Do you somehow see your behaviors and attitudes as different from the OP? Thanks for illustrating the point Gis was making perfectly.
Both Male & the OP illustrate perfectly the concept that age does not necessarily equal maturity.
Posted by: trouble | March 20, 2008 at 04:17 PM
Trouble...
Taking out the trash!
Let me cook something special for us tonight!
I love to cook with wine, and sometimes I even put it in the food! Time to channel my inner Tyler Florence, and Bobby Flay (...without the attitude!)
Hey! I love those 40 year old bodies. They come with wisdom and laughter. And when you come up for air, it's nice to have something in common to talk about!
Good work!
Posted by: OhRick | March 20, 2008 at 05:05 PM
Thanks, sweetie. You are definitely a catch. Hope the ladies in your life treat you as well as the man in my life treats me. ;)
Posted by: trouble | March 20, 2008 at 07:55 PM
I'm a 52year old man and this discussion is discouraging to say the least. It leads me to believe that my chances are very slim indeed. Just this week a speed dating event was canceled for us seniors due to lack of interest. My interest is waning too to think how much anger and bitterness awaits me on the scene.
Posted by: tony | March 20, 2008 at 08:02 PM
It really depends on how each person takes care of himself/herself. I have seen men aged better than women and some women aged better than men. I don't know where you live, but in my area, omg! There are soooo many sexy men over 40. One ex of mine is Latin and was 42 when we were dating. I thought he was 35. He ate healthy and worked out almost everyday.
You sound bitter when you referred men your age. Have you been hurt, neglected or disrespected by men your age before? I know many men in their 20's and 30's who are commitment-phobic as well, not just men over 40's. As for sagging, we all sag eventually don't we? Unless we die before we sag or get cosmetic surgeries. Depending on the type of relationship you are looking for. If you want a true loving relationship age or sagging shouldn't matter. If there's connection, love, chemistry and other values of a true loving relationship, even when you start to sag before your 32 year old boyfriend does, he would still love you. If you are just looking for a relationship to fulfill your ego, you are just like the men who like to date younger women. Most likely you will attract the type of men who will leave you as soon as they see any sign of aging on you for women who are in better shape than you.
Just like you......................................................................................
"whose equipment no longer functions like it used to without performance-enhancing drugs? Thanks, I'll pass."
There are beautiful souls, men and women in all ages. Here are some of the mature studs around 40's I like.
George Clooney
Rupert Everett
Hugh Jackman
Dermot Mulroney
Patrick Demsey
Matthew McConaughey
Posted by: GW | March 20, 2008 at 08:47 PM
I myself am a 34 year old women who has recently dated someone who was 10 years younger(or so I thought) but was actually 12. While it's flattering that someone that young finds me attractive the relationship seemed to fizzle. It was really awesome when it first started and I really didn't get over the age difference until we went out like 3 times. We texted everyday and seemed to hit it off really well really quick. The big problem with this relationship was that he still lived with his parents(which equals no privacy) and we live 30 miles from each other. Which I could have dealt with but.....all of a sudden I was the one who was driving to see him. He came to see me once and I went there like 5 times. Then all of a sudden we'd talk and he'd claim he had nothing to do but he never called and since he wasn't working at the time he'd sleep all day. At first it irritated me but I then thought...hmmm...if I were a 23 year old guy who lived with his parents and wasn't working what would I be doing? Well....I can't answer that but what he did was stay up all night, play video games and sleep all day. Then he would compare me to other girls he dated and most recently he'd mention his ex-girlfriend quite a few times(who I'm sure he wasn't over). So....this lead me to the conclusion that was always obvious. Even though at first I thought he seemed mature I realized that he was still upset over the breakup with his ex-girlfriend and too young to really be what I need at this time in my life.
Posted by: sd | March 20, 2008 at 09:03 PM
I've kind of realized in my self that this really is a form of self-hate.
When you hate and resist the aging process and getting older, you will quite obviously hate the people in your own age group. And when you gracefully start to accept the aging process, and realize that it's going to happen to the best of us, and it doesn't mean that your life is over, then you start to be more gracious about other people who are also aging. So yeah, I may be showing my age less than some guys my age. On the other hand, there are other men my age who look younger than me. My ex-husband just turned 50, and he will probably always look ten years younger than me.
Our bodies are going to age. But our minds and our spirits can stay youthful. We can start to appreciate the many advantages there are to being this age. And, there are tons. And when you get over being angry about YOUR OWN aging, you will be less angry at other people.
My boyfriend is balding and has gray hair. But to me, he is BY FAR the sexiest man I've dated since I was 22.
There is far more to a man than what his body looks like. And, I'd put his sexual performance against any 20-something guy's (except--HE knows what he's doing).
Posted by: trouble | March 21, 2008 at 07:28 AM
When a younger man dates a much older woman:
1. He is using her for money, or;
2. He wants sex with no strings attached because the age difference can be his way out.
Posted by: Lulu | March 21, 2008 at 09:38 AM
First line of the OP 'women age better than men' is wishful thinkin' at it's best! I howled at that one!
I've yet to meet a 50 yo woman who hasnt needed major reconstructive surgery (ala Cher) in order to pass for 50! Whereas men just start to look 50. Likely that vanity in youth is worse on female, the chemicals in the hair, makeup, sun exposure. Sure, they look abit 'better' while 20 or 30, but that all goes downhill so much the faster, lol.
Male POV is right. Any guy who thinks and older droopy bod is hotter than a younger one is searchin for a way back to the womb! Laff riot!
Posted by: wisdom | March 21, 2008 at 02:38 PM
Trouble...
Personal:
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
Topical:
“Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.”
“Maturity is knowing when to be immature.”
“Maturity is that time when the mirrors in our mind turn to windows and instead of seeing the reflection of ourselves we see others.”
“Maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don't see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce yourself.”
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